The 202007-08 NBA All-Star Game in New Orleans is fast approaching, and ballots can be found online, at the arena, just about everywhere. It’s speckled with Suns players, as it should be, and come February, I expect to see Planet Orange thoroughly represented on the court.
However, there seems to be one glaring omission from the ballot:
Yes, there are positions for Center, Forward and Guard, but not Blogger. And the odd thing is, having searched extensively through NBA records, it doesn’t seem a Blogger has been elected to the All-Star Game in the extravaganza’s history.
Well, that has to change.
Starting today, I’m beginning my campaign to be selected to represent the Western Conference as Blogger. Though my contributions may not show up in the statistics, I feel they’re undeniable:
- Consistency: No matter how much Suns VP of Interactive Services Jeramie McPeek wishes I wouldn’t, I consistently turn in blog entries that he then has to run.
- Words-To-Typo Ratio: How many misspellings have you found in my blogs? Hardly any, right? You won’t find that kind of quality in the Cleveland Cavalier blogs, I bet.
- Team Player: I’m always the first one out of my seat at time outs, clapping, ready to welcome the players back to the bench with a high-five or a pat on the back. The fact that I’m at home on my couch in Los Angeles and not at the game so I can’t actually greet the players shouldn’t count against me.
- Prominence: Seriously, name another blogger who’s had a better season than I have. You can’t, can you? The fact that you can’t name a blogger for another team shouldn’t count against me.
In addition to these credentials, check out the accolades that have been rolling in, praising my work.
“Adam is a wordsmith whose creativity never fails to amaze.” – Adam’s Mom
“Adam Beechen is solid and dependable, with a fresh take on the often stodgy world of professional sports.” – Adam’s Mom
“Mr. Beechen brings all the enthusiasm and energy of a true fan to his dispatches, giving voice to the guy in the cheap seats who wishes he were on the end of the bench.” – Adam’s Mom
“We don’t have to pay him.” – Jeramie McPeek, Suns VP of Interactive Services
So, here’s what I’m asking you to do: Next time you go to the game, or the next time you’re at NBA.com, or simply the next time you have an opportunity, grab a double armload of All Star ballots. After you’re done punching out the chads (don’t leave any hanging – you know what can happen) for the Suns players, write in “Adam Beechen, Blogger” at the bottom of the ballot. Encourage your friends to do the same. Encourage your friends to encourage their friends. When you send your holiday cards, include a note reminding people to write me in. Make this an Internet craze. Wave signs at the games. Get people talking. Let’s do this.
If enough of these ballots rain down on NBA headquarters, the league will have no choice but to send me to New Orleans, where I will represent you, the true Suns fans, and typical sports-loving Joes everywhere by blogging multiple times daily about the experience. What’s it like backstage at the Slam Dunk contest? I’ll make sure you find out (if I don’t get arrested for not having a press pass). What’s it like on the floor during the Skills Challenge? I promise to give you the scoop (if my Chris Paul disguise is convincing enough). What’s it like in the huddle amongst the biggest stars of the game during a timeout with two minutes to go (I’ll be sure to ask someone).
Further, I promise not to get arrested outside a nightclub at three in the morning. I run faster than any policeman.
Now, I want to make this clear (especially if Commissioner Stern is reading – and if you are, thanks for the holiday cheese log, sir, it was very tasty): No one officially in the Suns organization condones ballot box-stuffing. This is strictly an independent operation. I want to represent you at the 202007-08 NBA All-Star Game as your Western Conference Blogger.
I mean, who else would you want there? A Laker blogger?
Beechen in ’08!